Lindsay Lohan Isn’t Boozing And Isn’t Having Sex In Petrol Stations

 
Lindsay Lohan used to be loads of fun. She was always in trouble or having sex with someone. She had set the controls for the heart of self-destruct and we all had ringside seats for an early death. And then she went and spoiled it all by looking after herself.

Git.

And now, after getting her freckled neck hoiked by the police a few too many times, she’s laying off the sauce – the same sauce that is a attributable to so much of her success (in getting column inches at least). While trouble may not have left her, she’s angry that people are saying she’s been getting stuck in to that lovely, lovely booze (the only real replacement for love).

This has all come about after some bozos decided to run a bunch of stories saying that she was absolutely getting hammered at a SAG Awards after party this weekend.

Do these fools not know that, if you make claims like that about someone who can’t enjoy drink or drugs anymore, the thing they’ll replace it with is a will to sue?
And that’s exactly what’s happening. LiLo is threatening to sue the media outlets that published the story in the first place.

A source close to the actress tells TMZ that Lindsay is already exploring her legal options with her attorneys because she feels the false stories are sabotaging her effort to save her career. And her liver.
Of course, she was at the party at the Chateau Marmot hotel in Hollywood Sunday night, but alas, she was sitting with Alan Cummings which makes a difference for some reason.

Maybe he dry-heaves at the sight of women drinking pints? Maybe he’s so enchanting that no-one ever drinks in his presence because they can’t tear themselves away from his rapier wit?
WAIT. THERE’S MORE.

Lindsay is also cheesed off that reports suggested that she made-out with Dennis Hopper’s son Henry. Where did this apparently take place? In a petrol station. Lovely stuff.
Sadly, as much as we want that to be true, she’s saying it isn’t.